Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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