....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
