i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I pour the whiskey from now on
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
