So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
