remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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