Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
