Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
