when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize