Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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