I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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