this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
