Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
