As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
