Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I came so hard my ears popped.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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