Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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