I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
