i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
