Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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