Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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