Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
