Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
