I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
