He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
