Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
