She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
