The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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