real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
