Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
