Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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