i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize