OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
