why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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