Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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