my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's official drugs can't kill me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
