All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
