take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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