we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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