She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
