9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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