So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
