Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
