did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
