No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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