i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
