According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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