why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
