I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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