oh god the rape fog is back!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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