You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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