mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
