I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Blood and glitter go together right?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
