can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
