I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
