I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
