Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
