There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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