i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
