my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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