why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
