We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
