I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
