That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
