Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize