we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
