so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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