just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
