your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
