i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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