Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
