her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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