you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
