i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
