just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
