i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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