its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
