is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
