guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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