then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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