she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize