SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
