I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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