life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
