My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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