My room smells like vodka and shame
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
