I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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