No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
