how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
