What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry about my life...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
