My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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