We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
