Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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