you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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