that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
