Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
