My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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