a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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