I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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