Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
