u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
