I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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